Our Baby

I am going to share something that isn't really that easy.  But I have come to learn for me, it is better to talk about it then hold it in. To get it out and do my best to move on.

Last week I found out that I was pregnant. Exactly 2 years and 3 months since our wedding date. Something else I don't normally share, I have never taken any form of birth control or have never tried not to get pregnant. I have trusted God to give me a child when His time is best. I told my doctor a year ago I had gone over a year without conceiving. She said point blank I was infertile. A kick in the gut. I took many tests and everything came out fine. We were referred to infertility, but I guess the whole information packet asking several questions about how far we were willing to go to have a baby scared us off. So needless to say it has been a very long couple of years of thinking I was pregnant so many times, only for it to end in tears.

This time it was for real, a blood test confirmed. I am not sure I breathed for a while I was so excited. Hence the last minute trip to Maine to share our joy with his family.  The excitement, the plans, the emotions. . .

I started spotting on Tuesday. I prayed and prayed, pleaded and sobbed for God not to take away my baby. Tuesday night I had a miscarriage. I should have been better prepared but who can be I guess. It was a long night. Excruciating pain, physical and emotional.

We both took work off Wednesday. Kurt and I spent the day together. We went for a drive, we both held each other, we both cried, we thanked God for each other and prayed for another chance to have a baby.

My body is still processing this, but I hope it will be over soon. Nothing like a constant reminder. My hormones are all crazy of course, very high to very low over night. I have made it so far today without any tears, 3 hours left of work.

Although it was a very short time, I miss my baby.  But I trust God and hold onto His promises.

Coralie Rose